Clearing Criticism

Clearing Criticism

There is always a need we want answered when we criticise another, particularly when we are criticising our partner, friends or family.

It is the adult equivalent of a babies cry.

When we find ourselves on the brink of judging or criticising another, this is the time to press the imaginary ‘pause button’ and to reflect where our need is…

What is it that we want from the other?

What is going on within us that means we want to say something to them that is negative about their behaviour, appearance or actions? If we first reflect this way, then it is possible to communicate with much greater awareness and clarity…

It means that the dialogue can become an intentional conscious one, rather than an attack. It means we will always keep in mind that ‘how we say something is integral to what we wish to say’

It also means that we are more likely to be heard and validated, and find that our needs are met – rather than the cycle of criticism and defensiveness continuing – which can erode relating and so the joy in a relationship.

If we are invited to critique or give feedback this is a different thing, but it is still vital to watch that what we say is clean and clear without any agenda or projection on our part.

Ideally for healthy relating there is no criticism at all – but of course this can take commitment and practice…

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