Clearing the way for the life we truly want to lead…

In my last article I talk about clearing reactivity as the basis to create the life we truly want to lead…

And to enjoy the harmony and expansion, passion and connection we dream of in our relationships…

Reactivity is a direct arrow to pain within, and when we react and act out of that reaction, we have instantly cut off love to ourselves, and of course to the other.

We are also no longer in the present moment…We are in the past, in fact we can be up to 90 percent in the past and so whatever plays out from reactivity is often hardly anything to do with the situation we are in, or the person… It is only that something ‘triggered’ you to remember some pain from when you were a baby or small child – and the ‘old brain’ is saying ‘danger danger’, because when we were small our very survival depended on the adults around us, and if we did or said something that seemed to threaten that safety, it felt ‘dangerous’ and we found ways to adapt so that we could navigate the world we inhabited…

But at the deepest level we all want to be whole, and so in adulthood, it is very powerful to learn that the triggers we experience can serve to point out to us where we need to clear this energy – so that we can live freely the life we truly want to lead…

This whole universe is made of energy. As we know from a physics perspective energy cannot be destroyed, but it can be transformed and transmuted…

When a new baby is born, we often project that they are in a clear state…

Of course this isn’t always the case after a difficult birth, or an unhappy pregnancy or the relationship they have been born into being one of conflict…

And then there is influence of past lives… Our energetic make up has been created over lifetimes and lifetimes, and has informed the parents, the country, the culture and circumstances we are born into, in this life…

This explains why children born into the same family will experience different issues, different lives, different experiences and will ‘respond’ differently to the rough and tumble of childhood, and have different adaptations to the occasions they felt any ‘danger’ or separation….

For the purpose of this article we will work with the experiences of this life, because this is the time we have now to work on – and the opportunity to clear the blocks to true love of self, to clarity, to being able to remember that we are born of consciousness which is beyond the duality of this universe…

The wonderful thing about being born into a human life, into the duality of light and dark, joy and sadness is that we have the perfect opportunity to work out the pain and the tension, the ‘stuff’ that has built up through our adaptations to the hurts, and disconnection we experienced in childhood – that pulls us this way and that – the yin to the yang – and gradually learn to live from the heart beyond duality…

So how do we do this?

The first place is to recognize that when we ‘react’, this is a direct arrow to our own pain.

The person that triggered us may well have behaved in a way that isn’t acceptable; but it is our trigger and our reaction that we must work with…

In my first article we worked with exploring our ‘paradigm’, all of our beliefs and stories and ideas – and to start to investigate and challenge them, and see if they hold true for us now…

Within this exploration we will also uncover where we didn’t feel loved enough, heard enough, understood enough, supported enough… We might also uncover where we felt disempowered by ‘too much’ support; where we didn’t ever experience criticism – and so were very wounded in school for instance, when we were first ‘told off’…
The exploration is ongoing and within finding out about our own personal story, we can see where we ‘react’; and start to trace back to what hurt the reaction relates too…

This is an interesting process, and human beings often like to ‘understand things’…

However, the real work comes when we commit to clearing this pain ourselves.We know our stories, but it is only us who can clear the pain in adulthood.

There can be huge support in loving relationships; but we cannot assume another wants to relate at this level…

The clearing work is our responsibility…

Of course the more we commit to this, the more likely we will discover other people similarly committed, and so the space between us becomes a safe place for exploration, understanding and clearing…

But the most important commitment is that we clear our own pain, and find the corner within us where love has not reached – and through clearing the pain bathe those places in light and love…

Practically we do this by first noticing when we have reacted; and this is every single reaction. It can be when someone allows a door to slam in our face, as much as bigger issues with a partner or children…

Then… Press an imaginary pause button….

Allow yourself to truly feel the feeling; breathe deeply and notice the still point at the top and the bottom of the breath; this silence can allow for the feeling to leave…

Clearing may not happen immediately; the most vital part of this process is to commit to always doing it.

Practicing watching the breath and connecting to the still point as a ‘daily practice’, can help with staying in touch with the part that is always still within us; and so when reactivity occurs, it gets easier to be silent and feel the feeling… Notice where it is in the body and watch it leave.

For some seeing it as a colour and watching it change helps; for some breathing it out; for some just waiting until the energy changes and the feeling leaves…

Like everything this requires practice and commitment and no attachment to an end ‘result…’

Whatever emerges from the clear space will emerge….

 

 

 

 

 

Our life as reflection of our relationship with ourselves


Our life is a reflection of us.

It is a reflection of our relationship with ourselves…

In short our life reflects where our relationship with ourself is severed, and where love is lacking… Where we do not love ourselves fully…

So, how do we start to clear this?

It is not uncommon to have feelings of dissatisfaction with life – or if not with life itself with ourselves – and feel that we could do more, be more, experience more. Or that we just want to feel more alive and happy, more at ease and peaceful within…

The first important point is to know that every single thing we experience is something to do with us… This is not from the perspective of it being in any way our fault, or any blame pointing our way.

I am also aware that some people may not agree with this statement; but for the purposes of uncovering how to have a better life, a better relationship with self, this article is exploring from this perspective …

It also means that if we adopt this stance, we can view our life from the position of empowerment, because if everything in our life is to do with us; then we have within us the power to clear.

If we do not like what we are seeing or feeling or experiencing, then with the understanding that this is something to do with us, we know that even if it takes some investigation, then we do have the keys within ourselves to unlock our future…

The next important thing is to recognise that this can take time, and that there is no rush and that if we are now going to take full responsibility, there may be some work needed to uncover and clear the pain and tension blocking us from our dreams…

Once we truly recognise that our happiness comes from within us, then it can take some time to re orientate from a habit of looking for it outside…

I was speaking with my Spanish teacher Maricarmen about learning Spanish, and how she suggests things for people to do to learn Spanish – which they then don’t do…

Again this isn’t uncommon, we might want something a lot, and yet when we are given the tools to make the changes, we don’t do what has been suggested – and then of course things stay the same and we continue to feel dissatisfied – and sometimes even wonder why…

So for the purpose of this article we are going from the position of

Everything is to do with us

Therefore everything is within our power to clear

Once we take full responsibility for our lives we must recognise that this entails consistent commitment to becoming conscious of self and it can take time

Happiness is within us, not outside us.

So, the first step could be to look at our lives in broad concepts, ie) What would a truly fulfilling life feel and look like? What are the ingredients in broad concepts…?

Would they be things like success, love, peace, excitement…?

This exercise is simply for awareness, once you have written all the broad concepts down it can be helpful to write a mind map, coming off each concept – and see how these qualities are being lived out…

Always keeping in mind the four points written above… The investigation therefore although looking at the outer reflection is to lead you inwards…

For instance under ‘love’ you might have friends lover family partner children…

As you keep working through the whole exercise, of course you will discover things that might bring you joy or excitement that are not in your life at all at the moment; or maybe they are but they are fraught with pressure…

Essentially over a period of time you will uncover what you want, what you yearn for, where your life is good, where there is pain and tension and so you have a beginning point…

Now you are becoming truly in touch with yourself…

And once again this is the time, to sit in silence and reflect on all you are uncovering… The yearnings, the frustrations, as well as the joys and the satisfaction is an inner state.

The things that we perceive are ‘making us’ feel uncomfortable are simply the outer refections of where the inner healing and changes are needed.

You will see the things you would like to add into your life, and because you are aware that the change comes from within you can start to take some action…

There may be many reasons why you are not living as you truly want to.

So, start with something you can change or do with ease; if you would like to be doing something you are not… Book it up.This is simply to bring to our attention what we need to clear within…

Notice everything about this process… Is there any resistance? What does it feel like giving yourself permission to do this thing…?

In the very first action of an outer change it can hi-light so much and open the door to start to explore your paradigm, your inner world…

All the beliefs you have about life; every single belief came from somewhere… Notice what you think and believe and start to query… ‘Where did I get that idea? Does it hold true for me now? Does it resonate with my heart and soul…?

Start to examine the stories you tell about yourself and others tell about you… Are they accurate…? Where did they come from? Who told them first? Do they resonate now?

This can be things like “I never succeed’, ‘I’m no good at that’, ‘people will think I’m showing off…’ “I have to get it right…’ I can’t try anything until I’m sure I’ll get it right…’ ‘Everyone thinks I don’t care, but I do..’
And so one…

This exploration of your paradigm, your ideas and beliefs can be a daily process and it will uncover so much and work alongside you taking actions for change, coming from an inner shift, a deeper self knowledge and self understanding…

In effect it allows you to start to be your own best friend, your own therapist who is gently coaching you to to let go of any stories beliefs or ideas that do not support you – and who is helping you to fall in love with yourself and support and encourage you to live life fully; as yourself, not living up to any expectations of others…

Alongside this investigation, it is important to begin a process of clearing tension and pain from old hurts and emotional wounds…

These will show up in any reactivity that you feel in any conversation, situation or episode…

By recognising that when we react it is an arrow to one of the negative stories or ideas we have about ourself; a direct connection to somewhere where we been hurt in childhood, then by keeping aware in every moment and noticing any tension when it arises; it can help connect to the other exercises and ideas in this article.

Clearing the tension is the bedrock of this work. Because in recognising when we react, we can refer to the points mentioned earlier

1) This is to do with me,

2) This is empowering as I can do something about it

3) I am responsible for my life and my reactions

4) My happiness is within me, and so this reaction is coming from inside me; it is not to do with what is going on outside; that is just the trigger…

This process can take time to engage with, but like everything with practise it can become the very hub of transforming our lives…